Jason's Blog

This is kinda scary (but in some ways accurate) ;)

by on May.14, 2004, under Humor

Ok, first note – I didn’t come up with this joke, so women out there, don’t kill me. Second, though it is a joke, I do think in some ways it IS accurate. Anyways, here’s the joke (I’ll say more afterwards)

I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words “I do”

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.” I said “WHAT???!!! What was that?!” So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear…”You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my
puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and
not what I do for you in the bedroom?” Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’ll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.”

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.” I could hardly contain myself when I blurt out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.” Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled “WHAT??!!!” I then said “Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.” And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

Apparently I won’t be having sex again until sometime after pigs fly over a frozen hell while monkeys fly out her butt.

Ok, some quick comments: First, as I’ve been hit in the past with the non-interest in physical things because my sig other was complaining about other things lacking, I do feel this is accurate, but only some girls pull this kind of nonsense. Second, the guys response isn’t any better (especially not in real life, as satisfying as it might be wink ). I’ll also say this – I am a very physical person, and like physical interaction a LOT. But regardless of your personal views, you shouldn’t pull the whole “I’m not interested right now” or pull away – it’s not going to solve anything, hurts, and generally will piss the other person off, and is just wrong – it’s using sex or intimacy as weapon – NOT a good thing. Revenge in a relationship is a vicious cycle, because once you start doing the whole “you did this, so I’m going to do this,” it never ends.


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