Jason's Blog

Humor

Quote of the day :)

by on Apr.04, 2007, under General, Humor

Well I don’t have daily quotes, but this at least is one that hit me today!  I’d sent the link to James a long while back, and probably have posted it previously, but hey, it’s worth reposting!  *grin* It’s of course oriented to those who’ve ready the Harry Potter series!

“Oooh, I tink I taw a bid bad Moldiemort!
I DiD, I DiD
I Did tee a bid bad Moldiemort”

Go check it out from the beginning and get a few laughs!

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Signs your office is too cold

by on Sep.28, 2006, under General, Humor

Ok, due to the increasingly cold temperatures in my office, decided I wanted to create one of those "lists" of signs it's too cold in your office smile

Signs that it is too cold in your office 

  • You bring in more blankets for your office than you keep in your house
  • You use the office fridge to keep things warm
  • Your breath fogs in the air
  • The power drain at work doubles due to the number of office heaters in use
  • Under four layers of clothes, you still can't get warm.
  • You have a water freezer instead of a water cooler to gossip over
  • The idea of an exploding laptop doesn't concern you as much as a frozen laptop
  • People start burning pencils for heat
  • You smell burnt plastic from people attempting to burn pens

Ok, so many of the above aren't all that funny, but hey, it's a start smile  Add some of your own ideas down below – maybe we can get a "good" list going!

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The upcoming Nintendo Wii

by on Sep.27, 2006, under General, Humor

Ok, I was reading some more articles on the upcoming nintendo Wii that's supposed to be out around November.  Off hand, this looks like one of the first, truly innovative ideas for a game console that I've seen in years.  Yes, the Xbox 360 adds graphics, and does a LOT for online connectivity, but as a gaming system, there hasn't been too many significant advances since the Nintendo 64.  Each game console since has really just increased the graphics power of the unit.  The nintendo Wii is the first I'm seeing that does something new – it's got a motion sensitive controller that lets you immerse yourself into the games.  You swing the controller to swing a tenis rack, wield it like a samurai sword, cast a fishing line with a swing of your hand, etc.  This will be an amazing thing, I think, in the world of gaming – I know on many such games I get into the game so heavily I'm moving around already.  Now, it'll be part of the game itself.

Sadly though, nintendo chose the name "Wii" for the console.  A bigger idiot of a name would be hard to find.  The game console may rock, and may have an amazing control system, but come on – Wii?  like wee wee I gotta take a leak?  Worse still, every time I hear the name "Wii" I think of this entertaining flash carton .  *sigh* I'll NEVER be able to think of the "Wii" without thinking of that cartoon – which may ruin the whole experience for me.  How much fun will it be to constantly chuckle every time you turn on your game console?  wink  BTW guys, that cartoon is probably not work safe.  I mean, it's not bad, but it's called "Gonads and Strife" – the title there should give you a clue.  But, watch it when you get a chance – you'll get a laugh and understand why the name of the new nintendo console makes me laugh.

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Courtesy of work’s Network News, morning political humor

by on Aug.20, 2004, under Humor

Politics as Usual

This tale comes from the first half of the 1900s:

One day in school, the teacher called three boys to the front of the class. Tom, she asked the first boy, Are you a Republican?

Yes, sir, the boy replied.

And Jim, youre a Prohibitionist,

Yes, sir.

And Sam, youre a Democrat.

Yes, sir, came the reply.

The teacher looked them over. Whichever one of you can give me the best reason why you belong to your party, Ill give you this woodchuck I caught on my way to school this morning.”

Tom jumped forward. Sir, Im a Republican, because the Republican Party saved the country, abolished slavery and has done everything good for this country.

Thats very good, the teacher remarked.

Then it was Jims turn. Im a Prohibitionist, he said, because rum is filling up the jails and the poorhouses. Its going to ruin this country, and if we had Prohibition everyone would be a lot better off.

Thats good, the teacher said.

Turning to the last boy, he said, Now Sam, tell me why youre a Democrat.

Well, sir, came the reply. Im a Democrat because I want the woodchuck.

adapted from A Treasury of American Anecdotes, edited by B.A. Botkin

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Priest walking along the shore…

by on Aug.09, 2004, under Humor

“A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover when he came upon two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope. “Now that’s what I like to see,” said the priest, “A man helping his fellow man.” As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other, “well, he sure doesn’t know the first thing about shark fishing.”
Courtesy of linux fortune program smile

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Yes, I’ll post soon, but until then…

by on Jul.12, 2004, under Humor

Ok, this is just sad. I mean, really really sad. Check on image number 11 – that’s where the … humor? can be found. I can’t believe this was on the “Sports Page” over on msnbc.com. Kudo’s to James for the link.

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Fun game (and thank god I’ve never been in this guys shoes!)

by on Jun.25, 2004, under Humor

Saw this online flash game and figured some of my readers might get a kick out of it smile Haven’t tried it too much, but best was like 29 meters smile

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Yay for Viking Kittens!

by on May.19, 2004, under Humor

Ok, these are on the bizarre side, but most entertaining smile And the songs are pretty good. Check em out, I’ve got a couple that I’ve linked to directly:
Viking Kittens sing Gay Bar
Viking Kittens singing Immigrant Song

As said, they’re bizarre (if you haven’t checked the links out – trust me, they are) but they are entertaining smile Now, as an additional note – the whole site where these originated, rathergood.com, has a lot of really cool stuff like this. It’s all pretty well done flash animations. Keep in mind, when I say well done I’m talking about the thought behind the animations, the music, etc. – not necessarily the “quality” of the animation or the “special effects” appearance type stuff. Anyways, hop on over there, take a look at some of the other anmiations. I got a big laugh out of the kittens, but I was entertained by the whole site.

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Scam the scammer!

by on May.16, 2004, under Humor

Dude, this was frigging brilliant! A guy was trying to sell a PowerBook on ebay, and someone tried to scam him out of it. *grin* The amazing thing is instead of being taken in by the scam, this guy paid attention, realized what was going on, and instead SCAMMED THE SCAMMER!!! smile I can’t help but feel an evil chuckle, or maybe just a feeling of “justice served” when I read through some of this. It’s a bit hard to read, but it’s entertaining. The slashdot post has most of the information, as well as further discussion, and links to the mirrors. Check it out. smile The actual story is in PDF, which means Acrobat Reader for those who need it. Enjoy!

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This is kinda scary (but in some ways accurate) ;)

by on May.14, 2004, under Humor

Ok, first note – I didn’t come up with this joke, so women out there, don’t kill me. Second, though it is a joke, I do think in some ways it IS accurate. Anyways, here’s the joke (I’ll say more afterwards)

I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words “I do”

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.” I said “WHAT???!!! What was that?!” So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear…”You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my
puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and
not what I do for you in the bedroom?” Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’ll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.”

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.” I could hardly contain myself when I blurt out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.” Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled “WHAT??!!!” I then said “Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.” And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

Apparently I won’t be having sex again until sometime after pigs fly over a frozen hell while monkeys fly out her butt.

Ok, some quick comments: First, as I’ve been hit in the past with the non-interest in physical things because my sig other was complaining about other things lacking, I do feel this is accurate, but only some girls pull this kind of nonsense. Second, the guys response isn’t any better (especially not in real life, as satisfying as it might be wink ). I’ll also say this – I am a very physical person, and like physical interaction a LOT. But regardless of your personal views, you shouldn’t pull the whole “I’m not interested right now” or pull away – it’s not going to solve anything, hurts, and generally will piss the other person off, and is just wrong – it’s using sex or intimacy as weapon – NOT a good thing. Revenge in a relationship is a vicious cycle, because once you start doing the whole “you did this, so I’m going to do this,” it never ends.

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