Jason's Blog

Archive for February 8th, 2004

Was the year and seven months all a lie?

by on Feb.08, 2004, under General

I remember distinctly visiting a friend, when shit was going on in his life, and his significant other was having major issues. I remember one line right now, distinctly “was the last X years all a lie?” That’s what I’m feeling like, right now. That all the trust, all the honesty, all that of myself, which was everything, that I trusted was all for nothing. And the hard part is, I really don’t want to believe that, and in some ways, can’t believe that. I can’t believe that everything I worked so hard on, everything I cared so much about, is gone, that all my trust, that everything was false. It’s something that hurts, very very deeply. I’m still dealing with it, and probably will for quite some time. I just hope that someday we’ll both get past this. I hope that someday, she’ll realize it wasn’t a lie. That maybe it was all real, not just a dream…. Even harder, is that I still hope, someday for reconcilliation.

Hope and love are funny things. It’s hard, that even when hurt the most, more than you ever thought you could be hurt, and by the person you love the most, you still love that person, regardless. I guess that’s really the answer – that love isn’t a lie, no matter what anyone else believes. And it’s that which I’ll hold to, despite everything. I have to trust in love, and in hope, and most definitely in God, who’ll help me with this. I’ll have to hope that love was true, and wasn’t in vain, and that it was real. It still feels real, right now, deep in my heart….Maybe someday it will be real again….

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