Jason's Blog

Archive for September 5th, 2004

A long lost love of books… renewed.. and more

by on Sep.05, 2004, under General

Here in the last few days, I’ve rediscovered an old love – books. I read a book earlier today, and am half-way through another book. So, in the last 8 hours, minus dinner, I’ve read a book and a half. Specifically, Robert Heilein’s “Starship Troopers” and Sara Douglass’ “The Wayfarer Redemption”. Both are VERY good books, and have been most engrossing. I’d forgotten what it’s like to just sit and read for hours on end, to get totally lost in a story. It’s a wonderful feeling, kinda like coming home to a friend I’ve missed and haven’t seen in a while.

There’s another aspect to this of course. This additional aspect stems from a sense of peace and calm that I’ve been fighting to maintain. Here lately, I’ve been kinda on an emotional rollercoaster. A lot of this is due to the whole “future” thing, of what I’m going to do in life, what is my “purpose” and what things mean. Yes, I know – I think to much, or at least some say so. BUT, I beg to differ, for it’s only when I think about things that I truly come to understand them, and feel them. Some thoughts take months, some thoughts take cares, but eventually I manage some sort of conclusion. In this instance, I’ve found a few of them, but not near so many as I search for. I’ll be searching all my days for answers to questions, many of which will never truly be answered, for some questions have no answer. It’s more the question itself which is the important side. Hmm, just realized in a sense this is an allusion to the Matrix – “It’s the question that drives us” – but it’s very much a basic truth. It’s the search for answers, for knowledge, for understanding, for everything that I wish to know that generally drives me. For it’s the questions I ask which lead me to know more of the world, to get to know other people, to know love, happiness, sadness, and all the other emotions that drive me. It’s the questions I ask which help me to understand what it is I feel. It may take months sometimes for a single thought to be processed, and as said, some thoughts will never truly be answered, but in searching for answers, I do find a sense of peace.

How does that relate to reading? The simplest answer I can provide there, on an epiphany of thought, is this: That through reading, through imaging other worlds, I can step away from my own. And it’s through reading that I best sometimes come to a sense of peace and understanding, a sense which I’ve lost here lately. There are of course other methods than reading. Some seem to find it in sports, or physical exercise. I’ve found it in working with my hands, or sitting out in the woods, or playing with animals, with some few friends, as well as in other places. BUT, I’ve almost always managed to find it through reading. That’s what I discovered this evening – a sense of peace and … content? readiness? some indescribable feeling that I haven’t felt in a long while. It’s a very good feeling, like coming home to an old friend….

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